


In Your Atmosphere

by jaded_jane



Category: Big Time Rush (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, overuse of John Mayer songs, some actual humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-04
Updated: 2012-09-04
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:49:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaded_jane/pseuds/jaded_jane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since a John Mayer song brought Kendall into Logan's life, Logan has been using Mayer's songs as a compass of sorts to navigate his relationships with the other members of the band.</p><div class="center">
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            </blockquote>





	1. In Your Atmosphere

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [BigTimeBang@livejournal.com](http://bigtimebang.livejournal.com/).  
> Beta'd by the amazing skyline (aka garnetice). Any remaining mistakes found are my own. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. Anything that sounds remotely like prose is safer being credited to John Mayer- including the title.

“Hey Captain Backfire!” 

Logan inwardly groans and tries to let the nickname roll off his back as he concentrates on learning the lyrics to a new song. Without as so much as looking up, he calls back, “What do you want, _James_? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Captain Backfire?” a new voice questions.

The voice has Logan’s head snapping up at an alarming rate. He knows that voice; it sometimes keeps him awake at night, reliving the last time he heard it. Now, it and its owner are in the same studio as himself. “Kendall?”

Kendall waves at Logan in greeting. “Captain Backfire?” he asks again.

James laughs. “Do you want to tell him or should I?”

Logan climbs to his feet, rubbing the back of his neck as he walks towards the pair, song lyrics forgotten in the excitement and embarrassment of seeing Kendall Schmidt again, like this. “When I was first introduced to everyone, I was so nervous that I wasn’t fully paying attention and it was all a big blur of crew and cast. After being shown around the studio, I was asked to go get James, but couldn’t remember who he was. So as I walked along, I encountered _this_ doofus and requested his help in finding James. He agreed and we spent the next twenty minutes walking around the lot looking for the elusive ‘James’. Every time I wanted to give up, he’d say something like, ‘I think he went this way’ or ‘He likes to hang out in the make-up trailer’. It was only when the set manager came looking for _me_ that he found us both and scolded me for goofing off when I should have returned with James immediately.”

Kendall nods. “Okay. But where does the Captain Backfire part come in?”

Logan shoots a glare at James when James snorts. “At that point, I looked over at James, who chose then to stick his hand out and say, ‘Hey. I’m James.’ I was so flustered that I may have uttered the following words, ‘Looks like the joke’s on me, so call me Captain Backfire.’ James took that a bit too literally and has been calling me Captain Backfire on and off ever since.”

Kendall grins at Logan. “Is it your fault that you _just wanna be liked, just wanna be funny_? ‘My Stupid Mouth’ by John Mayer, right?”

Logan goggles at Kendall. “How do you…?”

Kendall snickers. “Do you not remember that party at all?”

Logan struggles to keep his emotions off of his face as pieces of that night float through his mind.

_He was looking for Demi. The apartment wasn’t that big, but Logan swore she must have vanished after they stepped over its threshold. As Logan wandered back and forth, repeatedly checking rooms for his wayward friend, he heard someone start strumming a guitar._

_Logan rushed towards the sound, thinking that it was Demi playing the instrument, but slowed down when a different voice broke out in song. Logan continued forward, wanting to confirm Demi wasn’t involved in the music worming its way into his brain._

_The melody felt familiar to Logan and he began to hum along once he was near enough to the singer to recognize the words over the buzz of the party’s crowd._

_“_ I’m not sure who I’m looking for; I’ll know it when I see you _,” the mysterious blond sang as Logan breached the circle surrounding the angelically voiced boy. He stood, staring at the stranger, intrigued by the long, lanky body, which housed the sweet sound currently gracing the room._

 _“_ I could have met you in a sand box…. _” As if feeling the weight of Logan’s stare, the boy turned his head. Green eyes met Logan’s brown ones and the singer bumbled through the line._

 _Logan saw a hint of panic flicker within the other boy’s eyes so he filled in the next words for him. “_ I could have passed you on the sidewalk _….”_

 _The singer beamed at Logan as he picked up the song again. “_ Could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away? _” He gestured to Logan for him to fill in the rest of the song’s bridge._

 _“_ Oh, no way. _” Logan smiled to himself as he listened to the song’s closing, unconsciously harmonizing with the singer. “_ You’ll be so good for me. _”_

_When the finals chords died out, the crowd dissipated, searching for other sources of entertainment. Logan started his search for Demi once more, but stopped again when the singer spoke to him._

_“Thanks for jumping in. I don’t know what happened there. I could sing this song backwards in my sleep, but not today, apparently. I’m Kendall, by the way. Kendall Schmidt.”_

_Logan introduced himself, and he and Kendall spent the next half hour talking about John Mayer. Logan confessed that he only knew that song because Demi was so wildly fond of it and played it repeatedly for him. Logan couldn’t even remember the song’s title. Kendall was appalled that Logan didn’t understand the genius of Mayer and insisted that he buy Inside Wants Out, as well as Room For Squares, **right now** , if not sooner._

_“I know that Room For Squares has some of the same songs as Inside Wants Out, but trust me, you’ll want them both,” Kendall claimed._

_Logan would have gladly have done anything if it meant he could keep listening to Kendall's voice; it was enchanting._

_Which is why Logan scrunched up his face in confusion, there was no way he'd let the conversation end now. “If they’re the same songs, why would I want both?”_

_“Because, Logan. Once you hear both albums, you’ll understand why.”_

_Demi found them a little while later and dragged Logan out of the apartment before he could do anything more than yell goodbye to Kendall._

That is the (first and) last time Logan physically saw Kendall. Until today. 

In the time between, Logan finds all of John Mayer’s works, not just the two albums Kendall had mentioned, and begins listening to them nonstop. He’s become so familiar with the lyrics that he often catches himself comparing his life to one song or another. Or, as was the case with James, even blurting them out unconsciously. 

But Kendall doesn’t need to know that; at least, not right now.

“Oh, you mean the party where I bailed out your lyric forgetting ass during ‘Love Song For No One’ by singing the parts you didn’t remember?” Logan smirks up at Kendall. “I think you might be the one with a memory problem.”

Kendall opens his mouth to reply, but is cut off when James interrupts by clearing his throat, loudly. “I hate to break up this walk down memory lane, but we’ve got other people for you to meet, Kendall. Say goodbye to Captain Backfire; you’ll see him again during your audition.”

This time it’s Kendall being taken away from their conversation, slightly unwillingly. 

As soon as he’s out of sight, Logan makes his way to the casting director’s office and states why he thinks hiring Kendall Schmidt is the best thing for everyone involved in the show.

Upon walking away from that conversation, Logan muses to himself about how close he’d been to giving up and going back home to Texas. Just that morning, Logan had been driving around, playing with the thought of leaving. Just like Tori in “Victoria”.

It had been nearly a year since being signed onto this show and a pilot had already been shot and shot down. When Curt was taken out of main character status, Logan felt himself losing hope that the show would ever be picked up, because it taken a few months to find him. How long would it take to find his replacement?

“Logan!” Carlos comes barreling down the hall. “Have you met Kendall? I think this guy’s it! We’ll finally be a group again!”

Logan chuckles at Carlos’ exuberance. “You think so?”

“Hell yeah, I do. Come on, it’s time to watch him ace his audition!”

Logan follows Carlos into the room, dropping down between him and James. Scott Fellows, the show’s creator, sits off to the side along with the casting director. Logan glances at Kendall, discreetly giving him a thumb’s up when the boy looks back at him.

“Okay everybody! Let’s see what Kendall can do.” 

The audition goes amazingly well and impresses Scott enough to offer Kendall the job on the spot. Kendall accepts without hesitation.

Logan will be seeing Kendall every day from now on. 

Logan can’t stop himself from wondering what would have happened if he had managed to get Kendall’s phone number that night. He shakes his head. It doesn’t matter now. Kendall is here and things are looking up for the show.

\--

Later on, Logan’s on his way off set with the intention of heading home when Kendall falls in step beside him. “Hey man, it’s really good to see you again. Any chance you want to grab dinner and catch up?”

Logan peers up at Kendall’s hopeful face. 

Suddenly, Logan is nervous to be alone with the blond. He’s been thinking about that party for months. What if this Kendall doesn’t match up to the one in his memory? Logan can’t risk losing _that_ Kendall quite yet. “I wish I could, but tonight’s no good for me,” he fibs.

Kendall nods. “No biggie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He flashes a smile at Logan before walking towards his car in the visitors’ lot.

Logan finds his own car quickly, watching Kendall walk along. _Screw it_ , he thinks. _Better to know now if he’s just as I remember, right?_

“Kendall!” The blond turns back to where he heard Logan’s voice originate. “I was wrong about my plans. I forgot that they were moved to tomorrow night. You still want to get dinner?” Logan sees Kendall bob his head a few times. “Alright, if you don’t mind it, let’s hit the deli on the corner. Meet you there?”

“No.” 

Logan’s shocked at the other boy’s response. “No, what?”

By the time Logan gets his question out, Kendall is almost back by his side. _Long legs_ , Logan muses. “No, what?” he repeats when Kendall stops moving.

“The deli’s fine. It’s just there’s no way we’re going to be able to find two, relatively close, free parking spots at this hour. Let’s just take your car. I mean, unless you’d rather take mine?”

Logan gestures with his head, and walks around to the driver’s side. Looking over the roof at Kendall has Logan questioning this whole thing again. _Better to know now_ , he reminds himself.

Quickly, he unlocks his door, slides in and reaches for the passenger door, opening it enough so that Kendall is able to grab the frame before he crams himself into the passenger seat. “What the hell, Logan? Do you ride around with little people? I only ask because no normal-sized person would be able to sit here comfortably.”

Logan doesn’t bother to answer Kendall’s complaint. Instead, he leans over him, grabs the seat adjustment bar between Kendall’s legs underneath the seat with one hand and shoves him back with the other as the bar is being lifted. 

When Logan is done, the seat is as far back as car manufacturers’ design allows. “Better, your royal highness?” he asks, smirking.

Kendall surveys the new legroom, stretches out his freakishly long limbs and announces with his own smirk, “It is satisfactory. You may commence with the driving.”

Logan flips him off as he starts the car. 

The ride to the deli is quiet, but it is also very short. The silence is only broken when Kendall crows in triumph over the lack of available parking. “See? Now imagine _both_ of us trying to find spots.”

They exit Logan’s car after a space is found and walk back to the deli. After ordering two very different meals, Logan’s full of meat and Kendall’s full of veggies, they sit down at a table and the conversation picks up right where they left off that night when Logan was so rudely whisked away.

A few hours go by, and Logan knows for certain that the guy sitting across from him, the one making funny faces as he tells a story about a brother, is the same guy he’s been thinking about. And as he drives home, after dropping Kendall back at his car in the studio’s lot, Logan feels so much better now that Kendall was adamant that they get each other’s numbers.

He has a way to contact the blond now.

\--

Filming the show is a lot of work.

Logan’s not used to being so busy, but almost immediately, things are in hyper drive now that they are up and running. And it’s not just the show. It’s the recording and the interviews too. Every day, it’s get up and _gogogogogo_. Logan barely has time to sleep, but honestly, he doesn’t want it any other way.

Even with all the craziness going on around them, Logan and Kendall snatch a few moments here and there for themselves. Sometimes it’s between takes in a dressing room, as the camera is being reset. Sometimes it’s dinner at the deli after a grueling day.

And sometimes, it’s the call one makes to the other right before sleep claims them. More than once, Logan has woken up and found the phone laying off to the side, call still connected. 

Despite falling asleep on each other, those calls are Logan’s favorite. He feels like Kendall is more relaxed, more open when the conversation between them has no audience. When he thinks about them, what pops into his head is this: _In the dark, on the phone, you tell me the names of your brothers, your favorite colors; I’m learning you._

A couple months in, Kendall announces that John Mayer is going to be in town. Logan wants to go because somewhere along the way, he heard John Mayer is even better _live_ and wouldn’t it be awesome if he and Kendall could enjoy it _together_?

That thought is shredded to pieces when James hears about John Mayer and wants to go too. Begrudgingly, Logan decides that if James is adamant about going, Carlos should be invited and this could be a great bonding experience for all of them while they hear great music.

Carlos agrees that it’d be nice to do something as the band and that’s how they came to be part of the crowd of the Nokia Theater, sort of ruining what could have almost been considered a date. 

\--

Not that Logan has been thinking that, _at all_. 

It’s just in the last couple of months, Logan’s filmed a great many scenes with Kendall. Which, of course, meant that he and Kendall spent a significant amount of time rehearsing certain physical gags to ensure that they came off properly while the cameras were rolling.

The one that keeps coming to mind is the moment in the Crib episode where he had to jump into Kendall’s arms. Logan shudders slightly as he recalls how many times they practiced that move to make it look flawless. 

_Kendall threw his arms around Logan’s waist, lifting him off the ground. “I got this,” he declared while setting Logan back on the ground._

_“You think so? Just from raising me a couple of inches?”_

_“Yes, Logan. Now jump!”_

_Logan shook his head. “I’m not a dog, Kendall, but I was a gymnast.” Logan jumped. And promptly fell to the floor, landing on his ass. “Kendall! What the hell?”_

_Kendall had the decency to appear remorseful. “Sorry. I got distracted. It won’t happen again.” He hauled Logan back to his feet. “Let’s try that once more.”_

_They repeated the action, and for a second time, Logan fell to the ground. He sat there glaring up at Kendall and his bird-like arms. He was grateful that Kendall asked to do this at his apartment instead of the blond’s family home or even the studio. It meant there were no people around gawking as Kendall kept failing to do what he needed to do._

_Logan rose to his feet. “Again,” he commanded._

_Kendall looked apprehensive. “I don’t want to hurt you. Maybe we should stop.”_

_“I said **again**.”_

_The third time was better than the first two, so things were progressing. Logan demanded they continue._

_When Kendall finally caught Logan and managed to maintain his hold, nobody was more surprised than him. His body received even more shock when Logan surged forward and kissed Kendall soundly on the mouth._

_Logan’s eyes were wide as he pulled back. “Umm….”_

_Kendall placed Logan on an out of the way stool. “It’s getting late. I gotta go.”_

_Kendall was already at the door when he turned back to Logan. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Instead, he shrugged and waved his goodbye. Kendall was out the door in the next instant, way before Logan could find the words he so desperately wanted to say._

Logan and Kendall recreate that perfect jump (minus the impetuous kiss) a few days after that for the camera. Logan looks at Kendall much like he did that night, as Kendall holds him for the few seconds the gag requires. After it’s done, Kendall walks off set and Logan doesn’t follow.

\--

Even though things are strained between the two for the next several weeks, Logan continues to hesitantly fall in love with Kendall. There might not be much interaction between real life Logan and Kendall, but there’s barely an episode without a significant moment involving their characters. It’s both heaven and hell for Logan, although he’s left to imagine what Kendall’s feeling since they barely speak anymore. And they certainly don’t get together like they had been.

Instead, Logan has been spending time with James. 

It’s not the frequency with which he and Kendall were hanging out, and there are definitely no late night phone calls, but he and James will play basketball and grab dinner at someone’s apartment afterwards a couple times a week. During those times, they wisely decide not to discuss anything work related, Kendall included.

\--

The Jobs episode makes Logan miserable, more so than all the teasing he endured from the guys about wearing a dress and wig in the Break episode and the incurable lust he felt from seeing Kendall in eyeliner during the Bad Boy episode put together. All the extras floating around get Kendall’s time and attention. Watching them interact with the blond makes Logan feel like his heart has been skewered and is about to be roasted to Kendall’s tastes.

Being tied to Kendall for almost an hour takes the cake. Logan can feel Kendall holding himself rigidly, trying to not press against Logan too much. Logan resolves to assist in making Kendall feel more comfortable by leaning as far away as he can get. _I better get used to this_ , he rationalizes. 

After the last shot is done, Logan flees to the safety of his dressing room. He’s got _so much to do to set his heart right_ because this separation of him and Kendall feels exactly like a break-up. _I don’t know if we can ever be friends again, or if Kendall even wants to be_.

Logan’s so wrapped up in these thoughts, he doesn’t register the other person in his dressing room until he’s spoken to. 

“Why do you look like you just found out Baywatch was cancelled?”

Logan takes the presence in stride, like he’s been anticipating this moment. “I just realized something important. Let’s leave it at that.”

Carlos pats the couch cushion next to him, inviting Logan to sit down- which is silly because it’s _his_ couch. “How about we talk about you and Kendall?”

What’s left of Logan’s heart stops, as does his forward movement. He looks Carlos in the eye (calmly, he hopes) and says, “What about us?”

Carlos jumps up to steer his friend to the sofa in what Logan thinks is an effort to make this conversation a little less uncomfortable. Once they are seated, Carlos asks the one thing Logan cannot answer. “Is there an ‘us’?”

Logan drops his head into his hands. “I have no clue, Carlos. I did something impulsive and now he won’t even be around me without a set and a camera crew ready to go. Can’t say I blame him, but I was hoping he and I could put my stupid moment past us and go back to being friends.”

“Do you want to be more than friends?” Carlos’ question startles Logan out of his reflection. “I ask because I’ve seen the way you look at him. Plus the two of you spent a lot of time together, alone.”

Logan turns his head to gauge Carlos’ feelings before he can even think about admitting that he does. Logan’s relieved to see nothing other than what appears to be innocent curiosity. 

“I kissed him, Carlos. I think it’s safe to say that’s exactly what I want.” Logan laughs bitterly. “It doesn’t matter though because he doesn’t want me. He ran away right after it happened and now his actions are screaming ‘Stay away!’ loud and clear. Have been for weeks.”

Carlos pats Logan’s knee in reassurance. “Give him some time, dude. I bet he’s very confused and once he gets some clarity, things will be okay.” Carlos makes his way to the exit and is out the door before he leans back in to add, “Oh, and if you guys become an ‘us’, I’m cool with it.”

A short while later, Logan’s floored when Kendall tells him about the concert. A small part of him hopes that it’s Kendall’s way of apologizing for being so distant and unfriendly.

It’s just bad timing for Logan that James is standing nearby when Kendall speaks. 

\--

The day after the concert, the four walk around humming various John Mayer tunes. 

During their lunch break, Kendall corners Logan. “How well do you know ‘Edge of Desire’?”

Logan looks at Kendall, wondering what the other boy’s getting at. “Well enough. Why?”

Kendall evades the question by stating, “Just come to my dressing room and bring your singing voice.”

Logan mutters Kendall’s vague words to himself as he follows the blond back to his dressing room. As he enters the small space, Kendall points to his laptop and says, “We’re gonna make a video.”

Logan balks. “Kendall, we really should talk.”

“And we will, Logie; right after we sing this song. Now stay off camera until I introduce you. Also make up something about how we’re doing this because the song is an earworm.”

Logan’s confusion is ratcheted up a few more notches- first at the nickname and second for being required to speak. While he stands in the room’s doorway, he can hear Kendall speaking to the computer’s built-in web cam. Much too quickly for Logan’s liking, Kendall’s calling him over.

Logan manages to be semi-coherent for the first five seconds before he loses his train of thought. He’s looking back at Kendall for assistance when Carlos saves the day by entering the room and giving Logan something else to focus on.

Logan fakes anger to hide his joy at Carlos’ disruption. The time that goes by allows Logan to concentrate on figuring out what he’s going to say when Carlos is no longer the center of attention. Which is…now.

“Anyway, this song has been stuck in our brains, so please enjoy.”

Despite no rehearsal, the video goes off very well. Logan finds himself closing his eyes a few different times; the first because watching Carlos’ antics behind him in the computer’s monitor makes him want to laugh (and ruin the song’s vibe) and the next couple because Logan’s getting swept away by the words that are being sung by Kendall.

Those moments have his thoughts so entangled that Logan wrongly paces a line and then misquotes a lyric. Logan expects that Kendall will stop the recording and ask to redo it. 

That doesn’t happen.

When Kendall continues to strum the guitar, Logan decides that his mistakes weren’t so bad. The two finish up the song and Logan hits the stop button on the recording program. 

He is a bundle of nerves because the song is over; it’s time for the serious conversation. _Why did I want to do this?_ he asks himself. A quick glance at Kendall reminds him that he wants to save their friendship in spite of the way Kendall has been acting towards him. _He wouldn’t be acting this way if you hadn’t kissed him!_ his brain shouts.

Logan’s about to ask Carlos to leave so he can talk to Kendall in private when James sticks his head in the room, stating all of them are wanted on set immediately. 

As Logan turns to exit, he finds Kendall standing before him. “I know you want to talk. I know what you want to talk about. All I ask is that we wait until after work. You and I can go somewhere and talk everything out. Okay?”

Logan nods. What difference is a few more hours? It seems like he’s been waiting years for Kendall to talk to him again. He takes a step forward before he’s held up, this time by Kendall’s hand on his arm. 

“I’m sorry.” Kendall doesn’t elaborate as to why he’s sorry. Logan supposes there will be time for that later.

Kendall walks towards the sound stage, peeking back at Logan occasionally as if to reassure himself the brunet is still following him. The looks are getting on Logan’s nerves, but before he can say anything, they stop.

Logan jumps back into the scene like he never left it. He wills the work to be done quickly so he can have that talk with Kendall and things can go back to the way they should have been. 

\--

It’s no big surprise to him that by the time the shoot ends, everyone is thoroughly exhausted, including himself. Things never go the way Logan plans; he should be used to it be now. Hell, it was the whole reason for him becoming the spontaneous person he is. Plans don’t work out for him _ever_. 

A quick look at Kendall proves that tonight will not be the night for that talk. Logan walks him to his car while listening to Kendall repeatedly swear that the much needed conversation _will happen_. “Just not tonight,” he grumbles.

Logan nods understandingly as he pushes Kendall into the driver’s seat. “Text me when you get home.”

Kendall lifts an eyebrow up at Logan. “You could always come home with me. We can have that talk in the morning,” he suggests.

Logan contemplates the offer for a few seconds before reaching a decision. “I better not, Kendall. Now drive safely and text me to let me know you got home alright, okay?” 

Logan quickly closes the car door before he can change his mind like the last time. He moves out of the way and watches Kendall drive off into the night until Logan can no longer make out the car’s taillights. 

He walks over to his own car, intent on falling into bed as soon as possible, and spots an immediate problem- the left front tire is flat. Logan kicks it. Curses at it too. 

“Need some help?” Logan spins around to find James standing there, observing his tantrum. “I know how to change a tire.”

“So do I, James. I just don’t have a spare. Or even a donut. Guess I’ll be calling a taxi.” He goes to pull out his phone, but is stopped when James tugs on his sleeve. When did James get this close?

“Come on, I’ll drive you home. You can deal with all of this in the light of day. I got a guy.” James throws an arm around Logan’s shoulders and guides him to the next spot, which holds James’ vehicle, not waiting for a response.

Logan’s too exhausted between the day’s events and all the things that could have been to put up much of a fight. Still, about halfway to his apartment, it occurs to him that James will have to double back as he lives much closer to the studio. “You didn’t have to do this, you know. I would have been fine calling a cab.”

James glances over at Logan’s slumped form. “Yeah, I know you. You would have slept in your car while you waited. I was not letting you do that; it’s not safe.”

Logan’s grateful to have James as a friend. He closes his eyes for just a second, and when he opens them, he notices James is pulling into a parking spot of the apartment complex. Logan stretches his limbs and lets out a jaw-popping yawn.

Which James immediately echoes. “Well, goodnight, Logan. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Logan points to the door at James’ side. “Oh no, James. Get your ass out of the car. Now. You are in no shape to drive home and since it’s my fault you’re out here, you will be staying.”

He watches as James opens his mouth to protest, but all that comes out is another yawn. Once it dies down, he says, “Fine. But I’d rather sleep on the floor than the stupid couch again. Last time, I hurt my back so badly, I couldn’t flip properly for a couple days.”

Before Logan can refute James’ claim, his pants pocket starts singing. _I tried to forget you, I tried to stay away, but it’s too late_ , sounds as Logan scrambles to get the phone out before any more of the song can play and embarrass him further. Once it’s in his grasp, he turns it to vibrate and scans the text. He sighs in relief.

“What’s that about?”

Logan ignores the question in favor of grabbing James’ car keys from the ignition and climbing out of the car. He’s most of the way to the building before James catches up. They walk silently side by side until Logan closes the apartment’s door behind them, locking it. “I’m going to bed. Sleep wherever you want, but you’re not getting your keys back until I’m certain you won’t fall asleep behind the wheel.”

Logan walks out of the living room, leaving James to do whatever he wants. He’s a step away from his bed when James’ voice reaches him. “What’s going on with you and Kendall?”

Logan groans and dives face first into it. His hopes of James falling asleep before continuing this line of questioning are dashed when Logan feels the bed being jostled. Even still, Logan doesn’t move from his prone position. 

He feigns sleep for so long that he actually does fall asleep.

The next morning, Logan wakes wondering why he didn’t take the time to undress last night because sleeping in jeans _and_ sneakers is uncomfortable. He remembers James coming into his room, but he doesn’t remember him leaving. 

Slowly, Logan turns over onto his back and glimpses the other side of the bed. It’s empty. Not that he expects James to be there, but in their delirium of overtiredness, anything is possible. 

Logan begins to relax, sliding back into sleep as he curls up on his side at the edge of the bed. He figures he should get a little more rest before dealing with James’ annoying tenacity. Logan briefly opens his eyes to look at the clock in order to calculate how much more shut-eye he can have when they land on the top of a head and a pair of eyes staring at him from the edge of the mattress. “Aaaahh!” he screams as adrenaline floods his body.

James sits upright, looking amused. “Oh good, you’re awake. What’s going on with you and Kendall?”

Logan’s backed himself up against the bed’s headboard while he tries to convince his heart to stop beating so rapidly. He glowers at James and his rather amazing slumber-induced mohawk. “What are you doing _there_?” Logan grits out. Having the daylights startled out of him first thing in the morning does not bode well for the rest of the day.

“Well, you said sleep wherever. And while I was seriously tempted to lay down on the bed, let’s face it- you kick in your sleep. Don’t deny it; I know firsthand. Also, not the point. I laid down _here_ because I didn’t want you escaping this conversation. Now spill.”

Logan wants nothing more than to skip this interrogation. Instead he lobs a question back at James. “Why do you think something’s going on?”

“You want an example? How about the sigh you let out last night when you received the text from Kendall?”

“That was me being a caring friend! I was relieved that he got home safely! All of us were dead on our feet and I asked Kendall to text me and confirm.”

“What about Carlos?”

“ _What about Carlos_?”

James shakes his head as if this proves his point. “Logan, if this was about you being a _friend_ , you would have asked Carlos to do the same. But since Carlos, asked _me_ to call him when _I_ got what turns out to be here, I know you didn’t. If you hadn’t had car trouble, you wouldn’t have wondered about me either. Yet again, it comes back to Kendall. Lately, it all seems to come back to Kendall.”

Logan buries his face in his knees. If only his friends could just get together and talk about him, he wouldn’t have to repeat himself so often. “I don’t know what’s going on. I did something stupid…”

“You mean you kissed him.”

Logan lifts his head in surprise. “How do you know that?”

James shifts his eyes to the floor beneath him. “Carlos told me. Please don’t be mad at him.” James fidgets with the carpet fibers as Logan feels the irritation rise over the very thing he was just wishing for.

“As I told Carlos, that’s not likely to happen. Right now, I just want to repair our friendship. I don’t want to damage the band any more than I have.” Logan carefully leaves out why he thinks it won’t happen, unsure how James would feel to know that he kind of does want it, Kendall, the whole shebang. 

James doesn’t say anything else for a moment and Logan assumes that the inquisition has ended. He moves quickly off the bed, eager to get away before James decides he isn’t done. 

“Please don’t let him break your heart.”

Logan keeps moving, heading towards the kitchen, leaving James’ words unacknowledged. What good would it do either of them for Logan to turn around and tell him ‘Too late’? 

\--

The rest of the morning goes by in a haze of frozen breakfast burritos (Logan’s not sure how they got in his freezer; he can’t remember buying them) and cold showers (separately, of course). He and James are out the door after they call James’ contact.

Logan trains his gaze on the world they’re passing by as James drives them to his apartment. He sees nothing, but continues to hear James’ words echoing in his head. 

He’s so lost in the endless loop of ‘Please don’t let him break your heart’ that the car is parked for a full minute before Logan registers that the car is no longer moving. He turns to find James peering at him, “You wanna come in? I’m only grabbing a change of clothes; I won’t be long if you wanna stay here.”

There’s no time for Logan to respond because as soon as James stops asking, a familiar tune fills the car. _I could have met you in a sandbox, I could have passed you on a sidewalk…._

Logan’s eyes widen as he throws James a panicked look. James calmly climbs out of the car, closing the door behind him. He makes his way to the apartment’s doorstep before he looks back at Logan, who’s still staring at James nervously. “Answer it!”

That snaps Logan out of his stupor; unfortunately, it’s a few seconds too late and the call gets forwarded to voicemail. Logan waits for the voicemail alert to chime within the next minute, but it does not.

Deciding that it’s time to take the bull by the horns, Logan pulls up the phone’s missed call list and taps the screen over the last call. He brings the phone up to his ear, wondering why Kendall called. _It isn’t like we won’t be seeing each other in the next hour or so, so why didn’t he wait until then?_

Logan can’t help but hope it’s because Kendall’s missed him and cannot wait to see him again. So that he can tell Logan that he’s thought about nothing other than that kiss since it happened, he’s sorry for being a dickhead about it and he wants to give them a shot.

The phone rings continuously on the other end. Just as Logan’s certain he will be the one getting voicemail this time, Kendall answers the phone, sounding sleepy. “Hey. I think I just called you, but I haven’t had any tea yet, so who knows?”

Logan is faintly amused by the blond’s uncertainty. “Why did you call, Kendall?”

Logan hears several swallows and alertness is evident in Kendall’s voice when he responds. “I want to make sure you’re free tonight for that talk we keep not having.”

It’s Logan’s turn to audibly swallow, forcing the bile creeping up his trachea out of sudden nervousness back down to his stomach. _Bull by the horns_ , he thinks again. “What about now? We’ve got time.”

It must to be Logan’s imagination, but Kendall seems hesitant. “I still have to get ready. Besides, what has to be said needs to be done in person. Just promise me you’ll save time for us tonight.”

Logan’s heart flutters at the word _us_. “I promise. Even if we hole up in a closet, we’ll talk.”

“I’m going to shower. I’ll see you in 45 minutes.” 

The call disconnects and Logan smiles. He’s still smiling when he turns his head, wondering what’s keeping James, when he spots the other boy sitting on the apartment’s stoop, clothes in hand, facing the opposite direction of the car.

Has he been there the whole time? The smile slips from Logan’s face. He goes to open the door with the intention of collecting James, except when he looks back to the place James was seated, he’s no longer there. 

A sound from his left, has Logan whirling around. James tosses his clothes onto the backseat before returning his body to the driver’s seat. “Everything okay?”

Logan searches James’ face for some clue as to how he should proceed. It yields nothing. Logan buys himself more time by volleying the question back. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

James stares straight ahead as he starts the car and puts it into gear. “I’m fine. You and Schmidt talk through what you needed to? Is everything as you want?” 

There’s an edge to the second question and Logan, for the life of him, cannot figure out why. It bothers him enough that he repeats his previous inquiry. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“You first.”

Logan is beginning to get annoyed by this whole conversation. “I tried to get him to talk it out while we were on the phone, but he insisted that it has to be done face to face. Tonight’s the night. He made me promise to ‘save time for us’.” Logan realizes that he’s failed in keeping the happiness out of his voice when James’ expression hardens at his last statement. “Seriously. What’s eating you?”

James shakes his head. “Nothing. Just remember what I told you earlier.”

\--

At lunch, Logan manages to get the tire issue situated, purchasing 5 new tires to ensure that last night doesn’t happen again anytime soon. The shop tows his car in, replaces and balances the tires (plus the spare), and returns the car in the space of an hour. 

Logan goes to find James afterwards to thank him for the referral. He finds James and Kendall having a heated discussion in James’ dressing room. As he steps into the space, the other occupants grow silent and Kendall strides past Logan mumbling something about seeing him later.

Logan throws a pointed look at James. “What was that about?”

James shrugs. “I don’t remember.”

“James, it _just_ happened! Stop bullshitting me and tell me what’s going on!” Logan’s frustration level grows so rapidly, he’s yanking on his hair.

James strolls over to Logan and casually tugs Logan’s hands off of his head. “Stop pulling out your hair,” he chides gently. “You won’t be so cute, bald.”

“I wouldn’t be doing it if you just told me what’s going on.” Logan’s intensity decreases since James is _right there_ , but he doesn’t acknowledge the compliment given. James has been saying stuff like that most of the time they’ve worked together. “What’s going on, James?”

“I may or may not have reminded Kendall that your heart is not a toy.”

“You what?!” Logan’s voice rose so high, James winced. “You have no right to be interfering like this. Stay the fuck out of it.” Logan stomps out of the room, not wanting to be anywhere near James and ducks out the nearest exit. He needs fresh air before he wrings James’ neck.

Logan leans against the cool brick of the building, eyes closed, breathing deep and relishing the solitude. 

“Hey. I’m sorry.”

Correction, he _was_ relishing the solitude. 

Logan sighs. “I’m a big boy, James. I can fight my own battles.” He opens his eyes and stares out into the distance. “Speaking of battles, thanks for recommending that guy. Car’s back already.”

James pushes off the wall from where he was standing next to Logan. “I can see that. I can also see that you need a few more minutes to yourself, so I’ll let you be this time. Are we cool?”

Logan flicks his eyes over to James. He stares at James, long and hard before nodding. “We’re cool. I’ll see you inside.” 

Logan watches James leave, grateful the roller coaster of emotions has finally come to an end. It’s then that Logan spots Kendall standing by his car, inspecting the brand new tires and he realizes that the ride isn’t over.

\--

Three hours later, production wraps on the second to last episode of the season. 

Logan grabs Kendall and marches him to the dressing room area so Kendall can quickly collect his things and they can _go_. There’s no way in hell this conversation is not taking place today.

The two of them are in the parking lot when Carlos appears from seemingly nowhere. “Hey man, thanks for insisting James stay the night. And for feeding him breakfast. He wouldn’t shut up about the burritos. They’re his favorite, you know.”

Logan feels Kendall watching him as Carlos speaks. “I know,” he says softly, like he expects his response to physically hurt Kendall and adjusted his tone accordingly.

“Logan and I have somewhere to be, Carlos, so if you’ll excuse us….” It’s Kendall’s turn to lead them and he brings them to his car after saying goodbye to Carlos. “Get in.”

Logan does as instructed, fidgeting nervously in the passenger seat as Kendall loads his things in the trunk. He manages to calm himself down a few degrees and stay that way until Kendall sinks into the seat next to him. “Where are we going?”

“A place where we won’t be bothered.” Kendall’s already got the car in drive. 

Logan feels the apprehension creeping up again. “Could you be any more vague?” he jokes, trying to relieve some of the tension. 

“We’re headed for the hills. Literally.”

“Um, so are we going to talk, or what?” Logan sits back and waits for his fate to be handed to him.

Kendall spares a glance at Logan. “Once we get there. Can you wait for that, please?” 

To kill some time, Logan reaches over and flips on the cd player. _Music will be a good distraction_ , he reasons. 

“ _Did you ever get the feeling that we’ve started in the middle? Have ever had the sense that we’ve been lying, just a little? I mean, come on, it’s not like we’ve known ourselves that long._ ” John Mayer’s voice fills Logan with a sense of foreboding and he abruptly cuts off “Tracing” in favor of the silence from before.

Their ride takes twenty minutes. Twenty long, tense minutes. 

Finally, Kendall shifts the car into park and Logan looks straight out through the windshield at the city laid out beneath them.

“So, you and James spent the night together?”

Logan’s body has burned through all of the adrenaline of his fight-or-flight response during the ride. He doesn’t have the energy to be surprised at Kendall’s question. “As much as anybody could after doing what we did yesterday.”

It’s such an evasive answer and Logan knows why he chose to answer that way, but as he anticipates, Kendall doesn’t push for clarification. He does ask what Logan interprets as a completely off-topic question. “What’s my phone number?”

As Logan reaches down to yank his phone from his pocket, Kendall inquires, “What’s James’ phone number?” Logan rattles off James’ digits as he fishes the phone from the deep recesses of his pants.

It’s another few seconds until Logan finds Kendall’s contact information and repeats his number back to him. Kendall nods. Logan shuts down his phone, ready to be done with this conversation once and for all. “Say what you need to say, Kendall. No more games, no more avoidance. I’ve been somewhat patiently waiting for you to figure your shit out. Have you done that yet?”

“I hadn’t until now.” Logan waits for Kendall to explain and for a short period, no explanation is forthcoming. When Kendall does speak again, it’s the words Logan’s been waiting for and dreading. “I think we should just be friends.” 

Hearing them makes Logan explode. What do you know; his body’s found more adrenaline. “Why the fuck couldn’t you have told me that _right after I kissed you_? Did you figure that you could screw with me because I made an error in judgment? Did you decide that you would ignore me until the kiss faded from your memory? Why the fuck did it take you _months_ to remember that we _had_ a great friendship? I sure as hell never forgot it, but you couldn’t see the big picture. I didn’t kiss you long enough to deprive your brain of oxygen, Kendall. Why were you acting like an idiot? I’m not sure I want to be friends with a moron who can’t forgive his friends when they fuck up.” 

Logan can’t take being in the confined space with the target of his pent-up rage any longer. He shoves the door open and jumps out, slamming the car door behind him. “Fuck!” Logan walks a few feet and screams again. “Fuccccccccccckk!”

Behind him, Logan hears Kendall exit the car as well. “This is why I brought you here.”

Logan whirls around, eyes blazing. “Don’t you dare talk to me right now,” he growls.

“Well that’s too damn bad, because you’re going to listen to what I have to say!” 

Logan’s anger has rubbed off onto the blond; Logan can tell because Kendall is no longer Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected. He’s shouting too. _Good_ , Logan thinks. _Why should I be the only one who’s miserable_? The notion is a little vindictive, but after all Logan’s been through because of Kendall, Logan feels he’s due. “I don’t want to hear it. I thought you of all people would be ready to let this shit go! I’m tired of wasting my time on you. Bring me back to the studio’s lot; I’m done with this. Done with you.”

“We’re not going anywhere until we settle this!” Kendall kicks at his car. “Why do you have to make everything so goddamn difficult? I thought if I left you alone, it’d be easier for you to get over any feelings you might have for me-”

Logan snorts and interjects, “That might have happened if we didn’t work together twenty-four/seven, dumbass.”

Kendall huffs out a laugh. “True. James said the same thing earlier. Actually, James has said a lot of things.”

“I told that asshat to stay out of my shit,” Logan grumbles.

“Yeah well, that _asshat_ has been a better friend to you than I have. He’s been telling me for weeks to man up and talk to you.”

“What?” Logan’s confused. All the time he and James have been spending together and he’s never mentioned speaking to Kendall. “So that blow-up before was…?”

“Him at the end of his rope. Told me that if I didn’t make an honest attempt at fixing things with you, he’d burn my Spider-Man collection. The look on his face was frightening, man. I’m glad you didn’t see it. It’s gonna give me nightmares for awhile.”

“So you’re only here to save your precious comic books?” Logan can feel his anger returning. Speaking of comics, he feels like he could Hulk out at any moment. _Just call me Bruce Banner_ , Logan mentally jokes.

“No, Logan. James gave me the kick in the balls I needed. I was being stupid and letting stuff stop me from making things right. We had a great friendship and I want to have that again. I’m sorry I don’t like you like you like me. Wow, that was a lot of ‘likes’.” Kendall shakes his head. “I don’t think you actually want _me_ anyway.”

Logan stares at Kendall, dumbfounded. _I don’t even want to know what he thinks he means by that. Like I kissed him to put myself, and everyone around us, through this awkward shit for fun. Moron. At least he apologized, sort of._

Once his thoughts are organized, Logan smiles. “You got that right. Your eyebrows are ridiculous, your nose is huge and you have bird bones in your arms and legs. Can we talk about the mess that you call hair?”

Logan walks back to the car as Kendall proclaims that their epic friendship is back on track. He slides in, his body feeling lighter than it has in ages. “How about dinner?”

Kendall contemplates the idea for a minute. “All right.” He starts the car and pulls back onto the main road. “The usual?”

Logan hesitates prior to answering. “Let’s go someplace different. After all, this isn’t a date.”

“Duly noted.” Kendall reaches for the stereo, but stops hand halfway. “Hey, what’s Carlos’ number?” 

Logan reaches for his pocket again. Kendall’s voice halts the retrieving process, “Never mind.”

Logan punches the other boy’s arm. “I may have liked you better when you were avoiding me.”

Kendall grins. “There’s no getting rid of me now.” His hand slaps on the cd, “Tracing” coming back to life. “… _I found I never learned your number, I only stored it in my phone. You’d think by now, I’d know the shape of calling home_.”

* * *

Logan’s digging through his bunk looking his Wayfarers when he feels James step up behind him. He’d ask the taller brunet to back up, but he knows from the three weeks already spent on the road that there’s nowhere for James to go. James knows that too. 

Which begs the question, why is he pressed up against Logan right now?

“Lose something in the black hole? I swear you aren’t this messy at home, Logan; has Kendall been helping again?”

Logan rolls his eyes and moves to the head of his bunk, away from James. “Why aren’t you with the others in the lounge?”

“Carlos and Kendall started a bouncy ball war. Those damn things hurt! I thought I’d lie down, read a little, maybe catch a nap away from the flying balls, but your mumbling and that pigsty masquerading as your bunk caught my attention.” James reaches in and starts shifting clothes and various objects around. “I’m assuming that you’re searching for something.”

Logan guffaws. “Right now I’m looking for a way to rein in the eight million jokes I have about you and flying balls.”

“Ha-ha. Laugh all you want, asshole. At least I have a clean bunk to….” James trails off when he tears back the curtain to his bunk and finds his bed covered with Logan’s junk. “Logan!”

“What?” Logan turns towards James and gets a face full of dirty clothes. “Oops. Forgot I put those there.” He grins disarmingly at the other boy before leaning forward to sweep any remaining stuff off of James’ bunk, letting it all fall to the floor.

James shakes his head. “If we’re lucky enough to get a chance to tour again in the future, I’m going to demand no less than two sleeping buses. This way you and Mr. ‘Life’s too short to be organized’ can roll around in all the filth you want.” He hops up into his bunk. “Clean that shit up. I don’t want to see any of it the next time I open my curtain.”

Logan sighs as James yanks the fabric over to meet the wall of the bus. He picks up the magazines and socks off the floor, grateful James seemed to miss their significance. Logan quickly shoves them into the corner at the foot of the bunk, burying them under a spare blanket. 

He’ll need them later.

Logan works on clearing off his sleeping space. Dirty clothes make their way into his laundry bag and all odds and ends go into the drawer beneath the bed. Logan can see the mattress now, but his sunglasses are still missing in action. _Fuck it_ , he thinks. _I’ll squint during sound check; it’s fine_.

Logan starts to walk toward the back lounge, wanting the ball battle to be over so he can take the other two down in whatever video game they decide to play. Logan really hopes it’s Mario Kart; he stops by the toy gun arsenal to arm himself for the inevitable persuading he will need to do to play the game of his choosing.

He grabs his favorite gun and doubles back to the sleeping area to see if James wants to join in on the ambush. 

It’s quieter than it was down this end of the bus and Logan wonders if James did in fact go to sleep. “James? Are you awake?”

“Yeah,” James’ voice floats to Logan from the other side of the fabric partition between them.

“Wanna help me force Kendall and Carlos to let me beat you guys at Mario Kart?”

Logan hears James chuckle. “As fun as that sounds, I think I’ll pass.”

Curious as to what could be better than having Logan hand his ass back to him and watching him gloat over another win, Logan tugs the curtain back and thrusts the toy in James’ face. “Wanna reconsider?”

Before Logan can even blink, James wrenches the gun out of Logan’s hand and shoves it under his pillow, where the others from this repeated gesture reside. “One of these days, that’ll get old.”

Logan smirks. “Never.” 

“You do realize that the only reason the guns end up back in the drawer is because they’re uncomfortable to sleep on, right?”

“Stop stealing them from me and you won’t have that problem.” Logan glances over, noting that James is lying down in the bunk, staring at the roof of the bus. “What’s going on with you? I thought you were going to read. Or nap. You’re not doing either.”

“I tried reading; I couldn’t concentrate because I kept hearing lyrics run through my head.”

Sensing that this might be a longer conversation than he originally anticipated, Logan swings himself into his newly cleaned bunk and turns back to James. He smacks the top of his head and the missing Wayfarers fall forward onto the floor. “Ow. How the hell did I forget those were up there?”

James laughs. “Welcome to the world of big hair. You’ll be surprised what you find up there.”

Logan glances at the sunglasses; he’s comfortably situated now, he’ll grab them later. “You mentioned lyrics. What song?”

James closes his eyes before he answers. “All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye.”

Logan raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Really? Last I knew you weren’t dating anybody. Did that change?”

“No.”

“Then why the sad song? And which lyrics?”

Logan shivers as James sings the forlorn words, “ _Just when I had you off my head, your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed_.” James opens his eyes and rolls his body to face Logan. “You’re the reason.”

Unsure what to say, Logan climbs down, rescues his glasses and slides them on his face, effectively blocking whatever feeling his eyes reflect, because only God knows what Logan’s feeling at present. He pastes on a smile for James, saying, “Now that you sang, you should be able to read in peace, so I’ll leave you to it.” 

Logan pulls the curtain back to its starting position while willing his heart return to his chest after taking a trip to his throat. _Did James just imply what I think he did?_

As Logan walks away again, lyrics run through his head too. _Your big imagination’s playing its tricks on you._ He shuffles them to the back of his brain as he busts through the lounge’s doorway, “Let’s play Mario Kart so I can beat your asses.”

Instead of verbally responding, Carlos and Kendall pelt Logan with bouncy balls. “You could have just said ‘no’!”

\--

Logan notices that James’ bunk is empty when he awakes. 

A quick glance at his watch shows that it’s few minutes after midnight. _That can’t be right. I watched Letterman._ Logan squints at the sign next the doorway leading towards the front of the bus that states which time zone they’re currently passing through/performing in, which happens to be Eastern. Logan quickly does the math and finds that 3 am sounds more correct than midnight.

He listens for any odd sounds that may have woken him, but other than the bus’ hum, he hears nothing. 

Logan jumps down as quietly as he can, not wanting to disturb the lower bunk occupants who appear to be sleeping just fine. He pads towards the source of light, wondering what James could be up to at this hour.

He finds James at the makeshift kitchen table, wearing his glasses and eating Ferraro Rocher chocolates as he leans over a note pad.

Logan hangs back for a moment or two to observe James, trying to get a feel for what may be keeping him up instead of being asleep as he should be. He watches James scribble down a line, seem to reconsider it and scratch it out with such furiousness that it leaves Logan wary to intrude. 

Logan pushes through his discomfort and steps forward to sit down next to the obviously agitated boy. “Why are you up? We’ve got a packed schedule tomorrow and I don’t need to be lugging your dumb ass around because you’re too tired to function.”

“My brain won’t shut off. I thought if I wrote down some of the thoughts that have been plaguing me, I could purge them, but all I’ve been doing is thinking about them more. It’s like telling a person at the top of something not to look down. Of course they look down! It’s instinct! And by thinking that I don’t want to think these things, I’m thinking of them.” James removes his glasses and rubs his hands over his face. 

Logan figures now is as good of time as any to ask James about their earlier conversation. “So why is it my fault you couldn’t get _Goodbye_ off your head?” Logan snickers at his poor joke. 

It’s a long moment before James answers. He buys time by fiddling with his glasses before putting them on. “Because you’re almost always listening to John Mayer. And since you’re still upset about the Kendall thing, Battle Studies is what I hear.”

Logan’s flabbergasted; what the hell would give James the impression he’s hung up on Kendall? “I’m not upset about Kendall. He’s right, it’s better that we stay friends; we work much better that way. Would you like me to put in another album? You just have to tell me. How about we listen to Where The Light Is? I know you love the ‘Free Fallin’’ cover. It might help you relax enough to sleep.”

Logan strides back to his bunk to grab his mp3 player. He locates it in his pillowcase of all places and returns to James. 

Along the way, Logan attempts to stuff the small pang of misplaced disappointment that popped up during his and James’ conversation so far down that it would be unreachable. If he can’t get to it, he won’t need to figure out what it means. Except when he approaches the table, James won’t look at Logan. 

Logan places the music player and headphones on the table in front of James. “I’ll leave this with you. Relax a little, man; everything is going to be okay.” As Logan turns to slip away, James’ hand encircles his wrist, effectively holding him in place. 

Logan peers back at James, whose eyes are currently focused on where his hand grips Logan’s arm. “Yes?”

“Please stay. If you leave, I’ll go back to my thoughts and all of your effort to help me will have gone to waste.” He finally lifts his gaze to Logan’s face. “Please.”

Logan shakes his wrist free and drops onto the bench next to James. “You get to go grab the portable speaker.”

James reaches down beside him and thrusts the object at Logan. “Here.”

Logan concludes he is way too exhausted to wonder why James already had it; so instead, he plugs the speaker into the appropriate place and starts the album. 

Between the acoustic nature of the first half dozen or so songs and the songs’ lengthy running time, Logan anticipates that it won’t long before he and James will be trudging sleepily back to where they should have been all along.

By the time “Free Fallin’” starts, Logan can barely keep his eyes open. He catches a glimpse of James out of the corner of his eye, noticing that the other boy is already asleep- glasses still set upon his face. 

Logan scoots closer to James, almost plastering himself to James’ side while leaning in front of him, intending to remove the eyewear so nothing bad can happen to them. Logan likes the way they look on James; his hazel eyes seem to stand out even more when he wears the frames versus contacts. 

His hands are poised to gently remove them from James’ head when James’ eyes flutter open, his gaze locking on Logan’s face. Logan pauses, but when James doesn’t move, he continues on with his mission. 

Once the eyewear is removed and placed safely to the side, Logan feels lips being pressed against his cheek. “Thank you,” James mutters drowsily, closing his eyes once more.

If Logan hadn’t been stunned by that unexpected kiss, he would have insisted James get up and head to his bunk for proper rest. But he is, so he sits there and watches James slumber for a number of minutes before he makes to get up. 

The movement of the bench disturbs James. Before Logan can comprehend what’s about to occur, James’ arm snakes around Logan’s waist and he’s being semi-unwillingly cuddled. 

Logan’s brain shorts out at that very moment and he lets his own eyes shut. The music, along with James’ body heat, works its magic; Logan is snoozing in no time. 

\--

Later, Logan’s rudely awoken by two things: the sunlight shining directly in his face and James swearing about the sunlight. “Hey.”

James stops his rant about blinds and how they’re not doing their job, to regard Logan, whose head is resting on James’ shoulder. “Hey,” he replies. “Gives new meaning to _I should have turned around and left before the sun came up again_ , doesn’t it?”

Logan’s mind runs through the rest of the song’s lyrics and he bolts upright when it feels like they hit a little too close to home in this situation. Logan fakes a laugh at James’ joke, “It sure does. I’m going to see if I can catch a few more zzz’s in the darkness of my bunk.”

Logan flees the space, diving into his bed as soon as he’s close. He’s hell-bent on forgetting everything between Letterman and this very moment; what better way to start than by ignoring it and sleeping?

He’s almost to his REM cycle when his brain throws one last piece of consciousness at him: _But the sun came up again_. 

\--

The day goes by as rapidly as Logan predicted and now it’s over. Logan watches Letterman in his bunk and nods off.

A couple hours go by; once again Logan has been unexplainably pulled from his sleep and James is not where he’s supposed to be.

Feeling an irritating sense of déjà vu, Logan grabs his music player before he exits the bunk. He enters the kitchen area and spies James at the table. Tonight, James is wearing a beanie in addition to his glasses. Logan growls to himself because he’s aware that James wears hats when he’s frustrated- claiming it’s to stop him from tearing out his hair. 

_Why the fuck is he awake again?_

“Why the fuck are you awake again?” Tact and Logan have never been best friends, but right now, they’re barely even acquaintances. Logan blames the lateness of the hour.

James doesn’t flinch in surprise like Logan expects. James doesn’t do much of anything except sigh. Which, in turn, causes Logan to sigh. 

It’s not going to be an easy fix this time.

Logan closes in on the table and sees the notebook. _Maybe if I flip through it, I can figure out how to best help James and get some sleep._ Logan reaches for the paper only to have James rip it away right as he is getting a grasp on the binding. “Okay. How about you verbally tell me what’s going on with you? Being up at this hour is no picnic. I’d like to get a full night’s rest at some point, James. Help a brother out.”

James snorts. “You are not helping to dispel the rumors that you act like you’re from the ghetto when you say things like that.”

“What? You are my brother. _Brother from another mother_.”

James rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Please leave that phrase with Carlos. He pulls it off better than you.” He looks up at Logan. “Aren’t you going to sit down?”

Logan falls into the chair across from James, not missing the way James frowns when he does. “Dude, I was hoping to sleep again this century. Can we get the show on the road?” 

Tact just became a frenemy. 

Logan realizes the huge error he’s committed when James abruptly stands. Logan sings out an awkward almost apology, “ _Mama said think before speaking, no filter in my head. Oh what’s a boy to do? I guess he better find one…._ ”

James appears to accept it because he slowly sinks back onto the bench. “That song reminds me of the day we met, Captain Backfire. You had such awful hair.”

“Yours wasn’t much better.” Logan sees James diverting the conversation away from its original topic and lets it go for two reasons: a) James clearly is still not ready to talk about what’s keeping him up, and more importantly, b) Logan fucked up, so he no longer has the right to push James into confessing.

Logan spends the following half hour reminiscing with James, laughing harder than he has in quite some time. 

He keeps pressing his hand against his mouth to prevent the hysterical laughter from waking the others. It doesn’t work though, and soon Carlos sticks his head into the area with a not so gentle “Shhhhhhhhhhhh!” before disappearing back into the darkness. 

Logan sobers up. “We probably should be-”

“I was the one who told Kendall we were in Virginia a few nights ago.” James’ interruption causes a new wave of giggles from Logan. The crowd had reacted like Kendall shot someone. “I did say ‘West Virginia’; the west must have gotten lost between my lips and his ears.”

Logan guffaws just as he did before Carlos showed up. He starts to slow down, but when he thinks of Kendall and the crowd, cackling begins anew. Finally, many minutes later, the humor of that event wanes. _I didn’t realize how tired I am. I wonder if llama, llama, llama is funny to James too?_

Logan struggles to hold onto the bit of sanity he has left when he looks at James and says, “Llama, llama, llama.” Unable to resist any longer, Logan breaks into a fresh peal of laughter. 

As he chuckles, Logan watches the biggest smile bloom on James’ face. _Mission accomplished_ , he thinks. 

And then it droops slightly.

“Oh no, you don’t! I got you to smile. No take-backs!” Logan launches himself at James. Logan pins him to the bench with his legs and proceeds to tickle the taller boy’s sides as he squirms, trying to break free. “I’m not stopping until you give me your most dazzling grin.”

”What the hell is going on?” Logan and James freeze, turning their heads towards an annoyed looking Kendall. “It’s like four in the morning. Could the two of you keep it down?”

“Sorry,” they say in unison and look at each other, both grinning madly like the Cheshire Cat. Kendall rolls his eyes and leaves before they can say anything else together.

Logan climbs off of James, stretching as he rises. “I’m headed back to bed. You should think about joining me.”

When James raises an eyebrow questioningly, Logan recognizes what he’s wrongly implying. “You know what I mean!”

James shakes his head. “Whatever you say, man. Tonight, this morning, whichever it is, has been a lot of fun. Maybe I need to unwind at the end of the day; this way, I can stop waking when I should be sleeping. Would you be up for helping a brother out?” He snickers a little after the question.

“If I can’t say things like that, neither can you. What would we do?”

James shoots Logan the smile he requested earlier. “I guess you’ll have to show up to find out.” He steps around the shorter boy calling over his shoulder, “Goodnight, Logan.”

Logan distractedly waves at James’ disappearing figure while he straightens the area. He doesn’t need to be bitched out by Carlos later for leaving the area in disarray; regardless that most of it is James’ fault.

As Logan fixes the bench cushion, he spots James’ notebook partially shoved beneath it. Logan yanks it out and stares hard at the worn cover. A huge part of him wants to leaf through it to see if he can understand what James is going through, but his conscience reminds him that James trusts him and James will talk, eventually.

Logan surveys the area and deems it clean enough that Carlos won’t grumble too loudly at breakfast. He hits the light switch on the way out, plunging the vacated room into dawn’s early light.

Halfway to his bunk, Logan remembers the notebook in his hand. He walks over to James bunk, quietly pulling back the curtain as he can hear the bunk occupant’s gentle snores. Logan places the paper down by James’ feet and peers up at his peaceful face, whispering, “I didn’t read a word of it. God knows I wanted to, but you’ll talk to me when you’re ready. You can trust me. Please let me help you.” 

\--

The next night, Logan sets the alarm on his phone for 2:30. He wants to be awake _and_ alert before James comes along so there is no repeat of last night when Logan let his mouth get ahead of his brain. Again.

He naps for an hour at most before his phone shrills at him. Groggily, Logan wonders why he and James can’t just meet up after the show. _Why does it have to be the middle of the night?_

After a few more seconds of consciousness filter through, Logan remembers that they hadn’t discussed times and it’s been this late because that’s when he’s awoken, not because this is when James actually gets up.

That notion inspires Logan to move quicker, gather his things faster, but when he opens the curtain, his stomach drops when he sees James’ bunk empty. _Does he ever go to bed?_

Logan’s so focused on getting to James that he doesn’t notice that the bottom bunks are empty as well.

Logan enters the kitchen area to find James flanked by Carlos and Kendall at the table. James’ notebook lies in front of them; they appear to be discussing what’s written on the page. 

This sight does nothing to remedy the disquiet lingering in Logan’s abdomen, but the piercing pain in his chest is new.

Logan starts to back away, figuring James has the distraction he needs, when he bumps into the refrigerator and squeaks in surprise. The other three look up at the sudden noise and Logan watches James slam the notebook closed hastily.

Logan ignores the storm of emotions destroying everything inside him as he steps forward again. “Hey guys. What’s going on?”

He observes Carlos and Kendall look at James rather pointedly, but James barely shakes his head and says something Logan doesn’t quite catch. 

Kendall stands. “Carlitos and I are gonna call it a night.” 

Carlos looks up at Logan. “Yep.” He moves to stand next to Kendall. “Don’t stay up too late, Logan; we’ve got recording to do in the morning.”

Logan watches them go and when he turns back to James, the notebook has disappeared. “What’s going on?”

James looks guilty momentarily. “Nothing. We were just planning out where to ride our new bikes tomorrow.”

Logan sighs. _Only a week and a half more. Then James will go back to normal because we’ll be back home instead of this weird limbo-like space_ , he thinks. “Okay. Let’s pretend I believe you. I’m going back to bed now as we apparently have to be up at the crack of dawn on the recording bus.”

“You know it’s 11 am.”

“Same difference. Goodnight, James.” Logan strides back to his bunk, angry with James for lying to him.

Once in his bunk, Logan tosses and turns, feeling unsettled, inside and out. 

After a particularly hard turn, which results in Logan kicking the bus’ wall, Kendall’s voice floats up to him. “Don’t be too mad at him. You’ll be mad at yourself if you are.”

Instead of responding to Kendall, Logan slips on his headphones and allows John Mayer to calm him enough for sleep. 

_Dreaming with a broken heart_ , indeed.

\--

Logan’s the last one to step onto the recording bus the following day.

He spies Kendall and Carlos goofing around at the table, but James is nowhere to be seen and therefore must be in the booth.

Logan wants to spin around and go hide on the other bus away from everyone, except the driver has shut the door behind Logan and now he’s trapped with the others until the next stop is reached.

Carlos notices Logan’s hesitation to be where he is and comes to collect the brunet. “Logan! Come help me and Kendall decide if this song should be on the new album.”

Logan lets Carlos lead him to the table, but stops short when he sees the dreaded notebook. “What’s that doing here?”

“James wants you to help us decide if this song is any good. He says no, but Kendall and I think it’s awesome. We’re waiting on your vote.” 

Logan squirms. “I’m not sure James wants my opinion.” 

Carlos places a comforting hand on Logan’s shoulder. “He does, trust me.” He nudges Logan into a chair and hands him the notebook; it’s already open to a song entitled “Love Me Love Me”.

“Love Me Love Me?”

Carlos nods. “Just read it. We would love to know what you think.”

Logan scans the page. It’s filled with lots of heavy cross-outs, but James’ clear print is still partially visible through them. Logan spots bits of writing here and there in both Carlos’ and Kendall’s hand.

Deciding to stop delaying what has now become inevitable, Logan reads through the lyrics, twice. He places the notebook back on the table and looks at the expectant faces of his friends. Logan shrugs. “I don’t know what he’s worried about; it’s good.”

Carlos smiles. “You think so? He wrote it for you.”

“Haha, Carlitos. Do I look like Juliet to you? I certainly won’t punch like Juliet if you answer that question wrong.”

Kendall places a hand on Logan’s forearm. “Don’t hurt Carlos. You might not look like Juliet, but the rest of that song is all you, dude.”

“But-” 

“All you.” Kendall repeats.

Logan stares at Kendall, looking for traces of deception. Kendall’s face is so open and honest that Logan gathers up his knees and buries his face in them. 

“I tried to warn you.” 

Logan gives Kendall the one finger salute. Saying ‘I told you so’, or something like it, warrants that kind of response. 

It’s about the only thing he’s sure of at this moment, since it’s one of only two things his brain allowed him to catch hold of as a million other thoughts race through Logan’s head. 

The second thought is this: _If my past is any sign of your future, you should be warned before I let you inside._

“Hey Logan.”

Logan lifts his head at the sound of James’ voice, but doesn’t turn to face the other boy. “Hey.”

Logan eyes Kendall and Carlos, who are watching the other two with rapt attention, and narrows his gaze at them when he becomes aware that James’ notebook has suspiciously gone missing from the tabletop. 

“It’s your turn.”

“What?” Logan’s question comes out pitched a little higher than he intends. He’s just found out how James feels about him and now James expects him to confess something too?

James quirks his brow at Logan. “For the booth? Go record your verses for BWU.”

Logan stands unsteadily, thanks to having his legs fall asleep from being kept still. “Yeah, right. See you guys later.”

Logan escapes to the booth at the back of the bus and stays there until the bus has been still for almost half an hour.

He knows he needs to talk to James except he also knows that he need to figure out what he wants. Until Logan can do that, speaking to James about the song, and what it represents, is useless and cruel.

\--

“ _I’m a good man in dark room, in a big town under a full moon. It’s a Friday and I’m almost hoooooome_ ,” Logan sings as he packs up his things. “ _I’m in a good place for a headspace, got a brand new pack in my suitcase. But it’s dinner, then it’s bed alone…._ ”

A tap on his shoulder startles Logan. 

He whirls around to find James grinning at him. The song continues playing through Logan’s headphones and the next line has the responding smile dying on Logan’s lips before it gets a chance to fully form. 

_Oh, how do you break a mended heart? I’m bored and want something to do._

James’ voice snaps Logan out of his thoughts. “Almost done? I was kinda hoping we could talk.”

Logan tugs off the headphones, nodding. “Just a truckload of dirty laundry and I’ll be finished packing.”

“Shouldn’t it be ‘busload’?” James’ awful joke provokes a small smile from Logan.

Suddenly, Logan hears the loud silence around them. “Where are the others?” Logan doesn’t want an audience for the things he’s going to be saying to James.

Telling James will be bad enough.

“Kendall and Carlos are doing some last minute recording sessions. They told me to tell you they’ll be working all night so they won’t be coming back here.”

Logan is both relieved and terrified at this news. He can say what he needs to say, but if things go horribly wrong, there will be no one to diffuse the situation. “Go ahead; I’ll be right there.”

\--

When Logan enters the lounge, James is staring out the window. “I’m going to miss the thrill of performing live, but damn, it’ll be good to get back to a schedule and have one place to be every day.”

Logan sits down beside James. “Not to mention sleeping in a larger bed, where there’s less of a threat of falling out of it?”

James murmurs in agreement. He turns his head away from the window and stares out into the rest of the bus. 

Logan follows suit, and they both sit there silently, looking at the bus’ other spaces, listening to the hum. “I thought you want to talk?” he prods after several minutes of quiet pass. “Talking involves words, you know.”

James leans down to retrieve something and Logan’s eyes widen when he sees the notebook come into view. James flips through it, opening it fully to the song Logan keeps hearing in his head, despite the fact he’s never heard it sung aloud.

He pushes the notebook at Logan, who takes it reluctantly. “Here are some words for you.”

Logan skims the page; the words are all the same, but James has rewritten it all so that the song can be easily read. “Is this really for me? I mean, Carlos said it was and Kendall agreed, but I think they misunderstood.”

“They didn’t.” The conviction in James’ voice makes Logan slide sideways a little so he can twist to face James comfortably. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” The change in James’ tone is drastic. Logan would swear on a stack of Bibles that James sounded nervous just then. 

Logan tries to lighten the mood. “Oh yeah, oh yeah.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“Do what? Sing our songs? You’re making my job harder, buddy.”

James visibly deflates after Logan’s comment. “Right. I guess this talk isn’t necessary after all.” 

Stifling silence fills the small space. 

Logan stands. “Hold on a minute.” He rushes back to his bunk and grabs his trusty Wayfarers. Slipping them on his face, he returns to the lounge. He notes that James has gone back to staring out the window, but he can see James’ eyes flick up at him through the window’s reflection.

Logan paces the tiny area in front of James. “I don’t know how to say this, but I’m going to give it my best shot because I don’t want to pull a ‘Kendall’.”

James snorts at the mention of the blond. 

“I almost wrecked the band once when I tried to start something with Kendall. I can’t be the one who destroys everyone’s career when things go south here too. It’s not fair to Carlos, it’s not fair to Kendall and it’s certainly not fair to you.” 

James rises and steps into Logan’s path. “Logan, stop.” 

Logan attempts to maneuver around James in an effort to keep moving, except James’ hands clamp down on his shoulders and hold him in place. “I can’t do it. Please don’t ask me to pick you over them.”

James slides a hand up to Logan’s face and raises the glasses to the top of Logan’s head so he can see the shorter boy’s fear-filled eyes. “Logan. I’ve already spoken with them. They’re okay with this.” He moves his hand to Logan’s chin and tips his head upwards. “Is this what you want? Am I what you want?”

James doesn’t wait for a response before he swoops down and kisses Logan. He pulls back and asks, “Well?”

Logan closes his eyes, not wanting to witness James’ reaction to his answer. “I don’t know.”

James moves away from Logan, letting his arms fall by his side. “I’m not giving up on you, Logan. I’m going to make you see that we’d be good together. I’ve waited this long for you; what’s a little longer?”

Logan opens his eyes to gawk at James. “What do you mean ‘this long’? How long is this long?”

“Since the beginning. Your slight accent and crooked smile hooked me the very first day you arrived and I haven’t been able to shake loose yet.”

Logan’s losing track of this conversation, fast. “Did you just compare yourself to a fish?” 

James grins. “That makes you the fisherman.”

“I’m not comfortable with this analogy. Can we stop talking about fishing?”

James shrugs. “We can talk about how I was right; your lips _are_ sweet like Betty Crocker. It was a good guess on my part.”

“James!”

“Not that either? I’m going to bed then.”

Logan stares at the floor, resisting the urge to go after James when he exits the room. James made it all sound easy; Logan knows it will be anything but. 

Logan takes his phone out of his pocket and dials Carlos, praying that he’s around to answer it. 

“How are the lovebirds?” is the greeting he gets. In Kendall’s voice.

Logan pulls the phone away from his ear to confirm he called Carlos. Yep, Carlos’ name is lit up on the screen. 

As Logan places the phone back to his ear, Logan sees James poke his head back into the lounge.

“And Logan? I’m not him.” James observes the phone’s location. “Goodnight, Kendall!” he shouts as he returns to his bunk.

“I didn’t call him,” Logan protests to James’ retreating figure. “I called Carlos.”

The voice near his head calls out, “But you got me!”

Logan sighs and leans forward to press his free hand to his forehead. “Where’s Carlos?”

“He’s just finishing up ‘No Idea’. Why aren’t you making out with James? I cleared the bus so you guys could be alone.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Not with you. It’s weird.”

“Do you want me to have Carlos call you back?”

Logan really wants to say yes, even though he understands that this thing with James is between him and James, and no one else. “No, it’s fine. Answer me this, though. Did James talk to you about me?”

“He did. I told him if you want to be together, you have my blessing. Carlos’ too. Give the man a chance, Logan. He deserves that much.”

Logan ignores Kendall’s plea. “Goodbye, Kendall.”

Logan disconnects the call. He contemplates sleeping right where he is, but that would tell James he’s avoiding him. And Logan’s not doing that, right?

Logan rubs his hands over his face and stands. 

James is one of his best friends. Logan’s determined that they stay best friends. But who says they can’t be more? Logan thinks he might want that, he’s just not entirely certain.

He walks to the bunks, unsurprised to find James waiting for him. “I need to work through some things. Can I have some time to do that before we try this?”

James beams. “Absolutely.”

“I’m going to bed now. Goodnight, James.”

“Goodnight, Logie. Sweet dreams.”

Logan rolls his eyes a little at the sentiment, but it’s nice to hear. He situates himself in the bunk and grabs the still playing mp3 player. Logan slips on the headphones in time to hear: _I understand I wasn’t part of the plan. A dollar short, a minute early, but I am your man. So go on and face it_.

“Stop pressuring me, John,” he tells the player while he flips to the next track and relaxes enough in the sweet melody of “Comfortable” to be asleep in no time.

\--

Six weeks go by in a flash. 

Logan’s hope of things going back to normal has come true, now that they’re back to filming the show.

Except it only adds to Logan’s internal confusion. James has been acting like nothing’s changed between them, like he hasn’t told Logan he wouldn’t give up on him, when it appears as if that’s exactly what he’s done. 

Logan considers the large crew they have working on the show and thinks it might be in everyone’s best interests that James has moved on and no longer wants to be with Logan. As he told James, he can’t be putting all these jobs in jeopardy for something that might not even go the distance.

So why does his arm tingle for hours after the “make up” scene of Girlfriends is done? And why does he find himself trying to stand next to James in group shots?

By the time Sneakers is being filmed, Logan’s wound tighter than a rubber band that’s about to snap. He and James have a ton of physical interaction in this episode; it’s as if the writers are trying to screw with him again. (Logan’s aware the writers fuck with him for laughs; would he be the one in a dress the most often if they didn’t?)

At the end of the first of the two day shoot, Kendall pulls Logan aside. “How are you holding up?”

If Logan opens his mouth, he’s going to voice how terrible he feels when James walks off set every time the director calls “cut” after one of their more physical scenes. _I took too long to figure everything out. He got tired of waiting. Why does this hurt so badly?_ Logan shrugs in response to Kendall’s inquiry.

“I’m headed to Carlos’ place. You should come with so you can blow off some steam.” 

“Is James coming?” 

Kendall shakes his head. “Nope; he’s going to the gym. You in?”

“Let’s go.”

\--

Carlos answers the door and thrusts a beer into Logan’s hand. “I think you need this, man.”

Knowing that this night will be much easier if he’s less than sober, Logan downs the bottle and gives it back to Carlos, who’s looking a little incredulous. “What? I’ve had an awful day and I’m not driving.”

Kendall pushes Logan into the house. “How about we sit down inside and not consume all the alcohol in the doorway?”

Logan swings around to glare at Kendall. “It’s one fucking beer.”

Kendall rolls his eyes. “It is right now. I anticipate you drowning your sorrows some more before we leave tonight.”

“Yeah? Well then I should get on that.” Logan stalks over to Carlos’ refrigerator and takes out another beer. He uncaps it swiftly and calls out “Cheers!” before he finishes it much like the first.

Kendall sighs as he looks at Carlos. “I’m sorry, dude. I’ll make sure he pays you back. I had no idea things were this bad.” 

Logan walks back to them with his third beer in hand. He points at Kendall. “This is your fucking fault!”

Kendall sputters. “How so?”

“I nearly destroyed the band by kissing you and you avoiding me because of it! It was so fucking awkward for everyone! What do you think will happen when a relationship with James crashes so hard, it destroys everyone and everything around it? It’ll be my fault because I couldn’t keep it in my pants!”

“I think the problem might be because you _are_ keeping it in your pants.” Carlos laughs. “You need to get laid and I know just the guy to help you out.”

“Are you not listening to me? When things go bad, I’m going to be responsible for putting our crew, as well as you dumb asses, out of work! How do you not care?” This is all Logan’s thought about for weeks. How can they not see how tormented this whole thing make him? 

_I need something stronger,_ he thinks.

Kendall watches Logan drain the third bottle and go for the Grey Goose in the freezer. “We do care,” he calls out to the brunet. “We care about your happiness and we care about James’ happiness. You make him happy and we believe he does the same for you- if you’d let it happen! Logan, this season could be our last. Everyone will be looking for new jobs if that’s the case. Don’t let my stupidity prevent you from being happy.”

“At this moment, alcohol makes me happy.” Logan sinks into a chair at the kitchen table with the vodka and a shot glass. “I haven’t eaten since this morning. How about we order a pizza?”

Logan swiftly pours the vodka into the tiny glass in front of him. _Writes me a song begging me to love him and then gives up when it doesn’t happen immediately. Bet he’s sorry he ever said anything._

Logan slams back the shot, grimacing at burn he feels in his chest. It hurts, but it’s not enough to stop him from pouring another shot right away because he can still think clearly. _Why doesn’t he love me anymore?_

The room starts to sway slightly after the third shot. “I need to sit down.”

“You _are_ sitting down.” 

Logan twists his head around to see who spoke and groans when the spinning increases. “Carlos? Can we get that pizza now?”

Carlos pats Logan’s shoulder. “Sure thing, buddy. You might wanna ease up on the Goose. She’ll bite you hard if you don’t.”

\--

Logan continues drinking, albeit at a slower pace, throughout the night. It does nothing to stop the thoughts Logan’s been plaguing himself with, but he gives it a damn good try. 

The food sops up some of the alcohol in his system, but not nearly enough for Kendall’s satisfaction; Logan has to use the wall as a guide to the bathroom.

When it comes time for them to leave three hours later, Carlos bids them goodnight after confirming with Kendall that he can handle Logan, and as they walk (stumble in Logan’s case) to the car, Kendall says, “I’m taking you home.”

“What about my car?”

“Someone will come get you in the morning and bring you to the studio.” Kendall assists Logan into the passenger seat of his car. “And you owe Carlos for all the beer you drank.”

“I only drank…” Logan starts counting on his hand and shoves both hands into Kendall’s face. “I only drank eight!”

“Because I took the vodka away from you.” Kendall presses Logan against the seat and flips on the cd player to distract Logan from distracting _him_.

_You whisper ‘Come on over’, cause you’re two drinks in-_

Logan starts squirming in his seat. “That’s a great idea!” He pulls out his phone and dials a number. “James? James! Come on over!…Why am I shouting? Because I’ve had eight beers and who knows how many shots, and I figured if you whisper after two, you get louder the more you drink!…Where am I? I don’t know, hold on. Kendall, where are we?…Yes, Kendall’s here…. No, I’m not handing my phone over…. Because he’s driving!”

Kendall attempts to grab the phone away from Logan, but Logan is still agile despite being shit-faced and dodges Kendall’s hand easily.

“So Jamie, you gonna come over?…Promise me that in the morning, you won’t say goodbye again…Jamie, why don’t you love me anymore?…What do you mean your other line is ringing? Who’s calling?…Then answer it! But don’t hang up on me!” Logan can hear James greet the other caller. “What do you mean it’s Kendall? Kendall’s here with me, not on the phone with you!”

Logan turns to regard Kendall. “Kendall! Are you calling James? He’s mine, dammit! Hang up, hang up, hang up!” Logan watches as Kendall whispers a few more words into the phone and disconnects the call. “Jamie?…What, you don’t like it?…I know it’s weird….Fine, James. Is that better?…Can I call you ‘baby’?…How about ‘sweetheart’?” Logan yawns. “I’m tired. I hope I don’t pop a boner when we wrestle tomorrow; that’d be embarrassing….He’s not paying any attention to me. Are you, Kendall? See? No response. He’s not listening to this conversation….No, he’s not….No, he’s not….Kendall, are you listening to me?”

Logan turns to face Kendall once more and finds the blond scarlet-faced. “Oops. Maybe he has been listening….I know you told me….I think he said he was bringing me home….Don’t call him! I’ll just give him the phone now….” Logan pushes his phone towards Kendall. “Here. He wants to speak to _you_ again.”

Logan strains to hear Kendall’s side of the ensuing conversation, but the blond is speaking softly and Logan’s too exhausted to keep trying. “Speak up! I can’t hear you!”

Kendall pauses for a moment and says loudly, “You aren’t supposed to” before he goes back to his hush-toned conversation with James.

Logan leans over with grabby hands. “Gimme my phone. I wanna say goodnight to _my_ boyfriend.” 

Kendall closes the phone and pockets it. “You can do that later. Now, we’re almost at your place. You gonna be able to stay awake until we get there?”

Logan closes his eyes and smiles. “I make no promises.”

\--

Logan’s still alert when they arrive at his apartment. So much so, that he quickly spots James’ car in the lot and starts bouncing excitedly. “He came!” 

“Dude, you throw up in my car, you’re paying to have it detailed.”

“You’re just jealous that I’m going to have sex and you’re not. Sucks to be you!” Logan snickers and launches himself out of Kendall’s car. “Hi, baby!” he calls out to James.

James shakes his head at Logan. “I told you not to call me that.”

Logan staggers over to the taller brunet and whispers into his ear, “Can I call you sexy?” Logan hears James moan when he brushes his lips against James’ ear. “You like that? Can’t wait to find out what else you like.”

The sound of a throat being cleared causes the two brunets to part, one more reluctantly than the other. 

James walks them over to Kendall’s rolled down window, arm firmly around Logan’s waist supporting him, when the blond beckons him. He hands James Logan’s cell. “I kept it after he whined about wanting to say goodnight to his _boyfriend_. Didn’t want him calling Stephen by accident.”

“Thanks for looking out and bringing him back safely. I’ll drive him to work tomorrow if he can handle it.” James peers down at Logan. “Right now, it’s debatable.”

Logan looks outraged. “Why wouldn’t I be able to handle it?” A moment passes. “Oh! Do you think you’re gonna fuck me until I can’t walk? What about me says ‘bottom’ to you?”

A choking noise comes from inside the car. “I’m leaving now!” Kendall shouts as he peels away.

The other two watch the car speed away into the night.

“Seriously. What about me says ‘bottom’?”

\--

Logan wakes when he feels a kiss being pressed to his forehead. He cracks one eye open and gazes up at the face the lips belong to. “Hey.”

James’ hazel eyes look worried. “How do you feel?”

Logan’s stomach roils violently and his eyes widen. “Gonna vomit!” He manages to make it out of bed and to the bathroom just as his dinner comes back to say hello. He then collapses in front of the toilet, hugging the basin like it’s a dear friend he hasn’t seen in years.

It takes a couple of minutes, but eventually everything is purged and all Logan’s doing is dry heaving. He flushes the toilet to remove the overwhelming evidence of his idiocy from sight.

The comforting hand on his back surprises Logan; he hadn’t heard James come in due to the loud retching sounds he had been making. The hand is rubbing his back soothingly and Logan leans into the touch as soon as he dares to stop clinging to the toilet.

“Here,” James holds a small wash cloth in front of Logan’s face. “How do you feel now?” 

Logan grabs the cloth, wipes his mouth and rotates his head slightly to look at James, sitting behind him. “Embarrassed. Stupid. And strangely, hungry.”

James chuckles. “I can help with at least one of those things. Why don’t you let me assist you back to bed and I’ll start making breakfast?” He rises to his feet and bends down to haul Logan to his feet as well.

Once he’s standing, Logan carefully steps over to the sink. He glances at James in the reflection of the mirror hanging over it and notes that James found the sweatpants he left behind months ago. “I’m okay. You go start breakfast and I’ll come into the kitchen when I’m done brushing my teeth.” Logan can see the doubt in James’ eyes. “Go. The faster you make breakfast, the faster we can eat.”

“You have five minutes. If you’re not in the kitchen at that time, I’m coming in here to take you back to bed.” 

Logan smirks to the mirror. “Maybe I’ll be late on purpose.”

The reflection of James smirks too. “And you’ll be in bed _alone_.” James moves to the doorway. “Five minutes,” he repeats as he leaves the small space.

Logan brushes his teeth and rinses with mouthwash for good measure. _My breakfast will taste mediciney, but it’s much better than the alternative_ , he muses.

Logan enters the kitchen just as James is moving away from it to come get him. “We’re having bacon? You’re a prince among men.”

“Sit,” James orders as he points at the table and chairs with the tongs in his hand before turning back to the cooking bacon.

Logan snorts and does what he’s told. “Why does everyone tell me to sit down on my own furniture?” he wonders aloud.

“What?”

Logan shakes his head and realizes this is not a good move as he doesn’t feel one hundred percent. “Nothing. When’s breakfast gonna be done?”

“Soon. You wanna tell me why you drank like the frat boy you always wanted to be?”

“Not really.” Logan focuses on the table. He hears his microwave beep and soon a plate is being shoved in front of him. He looks up at James, taking the proffered utensils. “Thank you.”

James slides into the seat across from him with his own plate. “I called Jon earlier. Told him we had some bad sushi and would be staying home today.”

Logan stops pushing a strip of bacon into his mouth. “He bought that?” he mumbles around it.

James grins. “I called him while you were throwing up. He heard it and said they’d shoot Kendall and Carlos’ scenes, but we’re expected on set tomorrow.” He picks up his burrito and takes a bite. “I love that you keep these in the freezer for me. Speaking of love, why did you think I stopped loving you?”

 _Suppose I said you’re my saving grace._ Logan’s still concentrating on the fact that James called them _both_ out sick and misses James’ question. 

He’s pulled from his reverie when James covers Logan’s hand with his own. Logan flicks his gaze towards James’ side. “I was drinking to forget you.” Logan feels James withdraw his hand.

“Why?”

Logan shifts in his seat. _Might as well get it all out now._ “Because it felt like things were going the way they did with Kendall. You’ve been walking off set like the devil’s chasing you when our scenes are done, especially this episode. You never ask if I’m ready yet. You said you wouldn’t give up, so why did you?”

“Logan, I haven’t given up on you. Do you think I’d be here right now if I had?”

Logan shrugs. “You’re a good friend; it’s possible.”

James stands up and walks over to Logan, tugging him up. “Come here.” He hugs Logan tightly. “I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want it to seem like I was pressuring you. I’m sorry if my behavior has been odd. It’s making me crazy to be near you and not be able to do anything about it.”

“I’m ready for this now, just so you know.”

James peers down at the top of Logan’s head. “When did you figure this out?”

Logan tilts his head to look at James. “This morning. I mean Kendall made a good point last night, but it was mostly this morning. I was looking at you standing in my bathroom doorway, looking so concerned for me and I thought to myself ‘ _Grey sweatpants, no makeup; so perfect_.’”

James chuckles. “Our love is ‘Comfortable’?”

Logan nods his head, rubbing his cheek against James’ chest. “It is.”

James kisses his head. “Let’s finish breakfast and spend the day watching movies in bed.”

Logan smiles. “Sounds wonderful.”

\--

They return to work the next day, trying to focus on work instead of each other, but that’s hard to do when your job entails that you roll around on the floor, wrestling with your sort of boyfriend.

Logan barely makes it through the scene alive. 

James’ hands wander the entire time and it takes all of Logan’s willpower not to achieve a full-blown erection while they’re filming. He manages to only just kill what would have been a really embarrassing boner when the director calls cut.

Logan sneaks a quick kiss from James before standing. “You’ll be paying for that later.”

James grins up at Logan. “Can’t wait.”

\--

A few weeks later, Logan awakens to the sound of chuckling. He rolls towards the source of the sound without opening his eyes and presses his lips against the skin beneath them. It doesn’t bother Logan that he isn’t sure what part of James he’s currently kissing because after last night, he’d have difficulty finding a square inch of James that hasn’t felt his lips at least once.

Apparently, giving Mitchell some of his Henderson swagger gave James some ideas.

Logan opens his eyes and finds James holding the script for the next episode. “What’s so funny?” he asks with his lips still against what turns out to be a spot just above James’ elbow. 

“The writers have decided that in order to get a girl, Mitchell has to pretend to be his own grandma,” James pauses and shifts his gaze to Logan. “Dress, wig, the whole nine yards.”

Logan abruptly sits up. “I’m sick of this shit! Why am I the one in the dress so often?” He rounds on James. “And don’t you _dare_ say it’s because I’m shorter than you or Kendall. I’m taller than Carlos! Why isn’t he the one to be cross-dressing all the damn time?”

Logan feels James trail a hand down his back to his butt. “It’s because you have a fantastic ass.” He grabs a handful as if to prove his point. “If you don’t like what’s happening, speak to the writers. Just remember that you’ll catch more flies with honey.”

Logan starts to snark about how he can be polite and still get his point across when James’ other hand creeps up his thigh. It strays to his hip and it makes its way around to join the first hand on Logan’s rear. They pull Logan until he’s flush with James’ side again. 

Logan rubs his cock along the outside James’ leg.

James turns so they’re both lying on their sides and now Logan’s dick is sliding against more reactive parts of James. “Let’s forget about the writers for a while and have awesome, lazy morning sex. Sound good?”

Logan kisses along James’ jaw. “Second best idea I’ve heard today.”

“What was the first?”

Logan nibbles on James’ ear lobe. “I’ll tell you later,” he whispers.

\--

 _Honey. More flies with honey_ , Logan mentally chants as he walks into the writers room. “Hey guys, can I talk to-”

“Are those donuts?”

Logan looks down at the box in his hands and back at the small huddle that has assembled in front of him. “Yes? I brought them for-”

“Us?”

Logan can feel his temper rising exponentially every time he gets interrupted. _More flies with honey_ , he reminds himself. 

An idea strikes him. _Maybe flies like donuts too. They definitely won’t be able to speak with their mouths full_. Logan grins at the head interrogator. “Yep. Brought ‘em for my friends in the writers’ room. Why don’t you each take one and I can tell you why I’m here.” 

He thrusts the box at the gaggle and watches them swarm until they each have a donut and are chewing on it. “I’d like to stop being put in a dress for the sake of a plot. There are three other guys on the show and only one of them has been asked to do the same thing.”

“But you have a great butt!” comes from the back of the room. The others chuckle at the ‘but-butt’ play on words. 

Logan ruefully shakes his head. “That may be true, but I’m asking you, what can I do to make it stop?”

Logan observes them gather, heads bowed together as they discuss what he hopes is his issue. He can’t hear them; they may be coming up new ways to torture him. 

Finally, they break apart. Head interrogator becomes the de facto leader and tells him, “You bring us donuts once a week, and we’ll stop putting you in dresses.” 

Logan wants to hug them. “Thank you and thank you for your time.” He turns to leave, but stops when a voice reaches him.

“We need to re-write a small scene in one of the upcoming scripts, but don’t worry. You’ll only need to wear a wig.”

It occurs to Logan that wearing a wig is a hell of a lot better than being in full drag. “Thanks again,” he calls over his shoulder. “See you next Tuesday!”

\--

“I don’t think the sweater change was necessary,” Logan grumbles to himself. “They told me it would be just a wig.”

“Hey sweet cheeks. You look good as a blond.” James laughs. “Think they’ll ever make you a redhead?”

Logan glares at James through the bangs of the wig perched atop his head. “A: don’t call me that and b: I _don’t_ look good as a blond, at least not this shade. It washes out my skin tone.”

James raises his eyebrows at Logan’s last statement. 

“What? I’m just repeating what Christy said as she touched up my make-up.” Logan swats at the strands that keep falling into his face. “I don’t get how girls do this; it’s annoying.” He grabs the errant pieces and tucks them behind his ear. “Stay,” he tells them.

They slide out and Logan repeats the gesture a couple more times before declaring it useless.

James laughs and swings his head a little.

Logan catches the action from the corner of his eye. _It’s almost as if-_ Logan sees it occur again. _He’s swinging his head to get the hair out of his eyes. He’s such a girl. Hmmm, maybe it’s time to exact revenge for the bullshit he pulled during Sneakers._ Logan’s grinning maniacally by the end of this thought.

“Should I be worried?”

Behind James, Logan sees the director waving them over. “It looks like they’re ready for you to sing to me-” Logan softens his smile before he turns it to James. “Baby.”

Logan starts walking towards the set, chuckling as he hears James say, “I told you not to call me that!”

\--

Logan steps up his game and brings better treats to the writers the following Tuesday. The tantalizing sight of a freshly made cheesecake gives them the incentive to agree to Logan’s request. The additional cookies are unnecessary back up, but Logan leaves them anyway as a token of appreciation. 

\--

“I can’t believe you.”

Logan sticks his face into his script to avoid guffawing outright. “What do you mean?” He gets out between stray giggles. 

James sits down on the sofa beside Logan. “Scott told me that _I_ was going to be prom king.”

“Aww. You’re still pretty,” Logan teases. “So what if Kendall gets to be prom king?”

“Kendall’s not prom king either.”

Logan’s confused. He’s only read half the script, but so far it reads like a typical BTR script. Kendall overcomes whatever obstacle is in his way and gets what he wants, which in this case, would be denying James the crown. “So it’s Carlos? That’s awesome. He’s gonna be so happy.”

James rips the script from Logan’s hands, flips towards the end and hands it back to Logan when he finds what he’s looking for. “Read here,” he demands as he points to a paragraph.

Logan scans the whole page quickly and goes back for a second read because his brain is telling him that his eyes are deceiving him. “Me? But Mitchell doesn’t even bring a date! Who the hell is queen?” 

James snorts. “Read a little closer.”

Logan laughs loudly when he finally puts everything together. “I only asked for you in a dress. I didn’t know the writers would take it a step further.”

James slumps against Logan. “So you weren’t trying to steal the prom king title and crown from me?”

Logan slides over causing James’ head to fall into his lap. “Oof. Watch the junk if you ever wanna have sex again.”

James tilts his head to look up at Logan. “It’s not so bad wearing a dress, right? Kendall didn’t think so, but he only wore it for like half an hour. I’m going to be in one most of a day and I don’t know what to expect.”

Logan tosses the script aside to run a calming hand through James’ hair. “It’s just another silly costume.” His hand grasps some of the hair between his fingers and he tugs on it until James lifts his head. Logan meets him halfway for a kiss. “You’ll be fine. On the bright side, as prom queen, you should know that you’re obligated to put out.” 

\--

After spending so much time on set with James during Prom Kings and then going home with him, Logan’s grateful for the separation that Break Up and Single episodes provide because it gives him time to miss James again. 

It also gives Logan an opportunity to work directly with Carlos; something that he hasn’t done much of in either season. 

During the filming of Single, Logan catches himself admiring Carlos’ lean physique as he steers Carlos around in the wheelbarrow. As soon as he realizes what’s happening, he makes sure his eyes stay away from Carlos’ body for the rest of the wheelbarrow gag and once Carlos is upright, Logan’s gaze doesn’t stray past Carlos’ shoulders. 

He mentally chastises himself: _I’m with James. Why am I looking at Carlos like this? I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me, so I can say this is the way I used to be_. 

Logan doesn’t breathe a word of his slip to anyone, but when he and James are in bed that night, Logan keeps his eyes locked on James’ hazel orbs during sex as if this will erase his earlier error of thoughts about Carlos. 

He also spends more time than usual worshipping James’ body. “I love you,” he says as kisses up and down James’ torso and legs, punctuating every kiss with another “I love you”. _Two wrongs make it all alright tonight_ rings through his head as he does.

If James notices anything strange, he doesn’t voice it. 

\--

Logan plies the writers with more baked goods to ensure that Carlos spends more time with James while on screen. 

He wants to tell them to keep Carlos away from him, but Logan knows that they’d ask why and he finds it easier to say that the fans are clamoring for more Jarlos, so please make it happen.

They do.

\--

“We could do it, you know.”

Logan glances over questioningly at James as the camera men are moving all around to set up the next shot. “You think so?”

James shrugs. “If Ben and Matt could do it, why can’t we?”

“Maybe because we’re not A-list actors quite yet.” Logan wants James to understand that this thing would be for fun and probably not go anywhere. 

“Live a little, Logan. What’s that stupid acronym you’re always telling me? Rolo? Solo?”

Logan laughs. “Yolo, James. It’s yolo.”

James motions to the props sitting in Logan’s lap. “Let’s get started.” 

“What’s goin’ on?” 

Logan looks up to see Kendall and Carlos crossing the set. “We’re working on a screenplay.”

Kendall leans over Logan’s shoulder. “There’s nothing written.”

Logan reaches back and smacks Kendall with the pad. “We just got started, oh helpful one.” Logan peeks at James. “Someone really likes ‘Good Will Hunting’.”

James looks a little miffed. “How can you hate on a movie that brought us such a classic line like ‘How do you like d’em apples?’”

And almost as if it was planned, both burst out laughing.

“Okay…. It looks like they’re ready to shoot the next part of the scene.” Carlos and Kendall drop back onto 2J’s orange couch and all four get to work. 

When the director calls cut, James leans over to whisper, “How did they _not_ find that funny?”

Logan bobs his head, ignoring the other two who sit between them. “I know, right?”

\--

Logan begins to lose track of time. 

If he and James aren’t writing or filming on set, they are rehearsing for the “Better With U” tour. Some days, his body is so sore that he and James don’t do anything more than cuddle before falling asleep, yet he’s the happiest he’s ever been.

The night prior to the tour’s start, Logan wonders aloud, “How did we get here?”

“What do you mean?” James inquires as he folds shirts into tiny squares before adding them to the suitcase lying on the floor next to the bed. “I think we should have packed hours ago. Next time, we pack then have sex.”

Logan halts his own packing. “I mean I never envisioned myself doing any of this. Acting, yes. Singing and touring as part of a boyband? Opening for Justin Bieber in Mexico City? Getting a gold record?” He glances over at James. “Falling in love with a great guy I work with? Never hoped for or even thought about these things. But I’m glad they’ve happened.”

“Let’s hope the writers don’t pair you up with Carlos too much in the new season,” James says. “Your track record doesn’t speak well for me if they do.”

Logan’s stunned by the pain that blooms in his chest at James’ words. Part of him knows there’s truth in them, but Logan refuses to acknowledge it. The thing with Carlos was just a blip on the radar, nothing more.

Right?

He drops his clothes and flees for the kitchen. 

Once there, Logan opens the refrigerator as a distraction. There’s not much in it since they’re leaving for the tour in the morning, but Logan keeps his eyes steadfast on its inner walls when he feels James’ arms slide around him.

“I was joking,” James whispers in his ear. “ _You can be mad in the morning. I’ll take back what I said. Just don’t leave me alone here; it’s cold, baby. Come back to bed._ ”

Logan spins in James’ arms to face him. Leave it to James to use Mayer against him. “I love _you_. I know it seems like I fall for whoever I work the closest with each season, but you and I know that we got started before this one began.” 

He takes James’ hand and leads them back to the bedroom. 

They ignore the half-packed luggage and curl up into each other on the bed, enjoying holding one another. As of tomorrow, alone time will be rare and precious, thanks to James’ previous threat of Logan bunking with Kendall on a separate bus coming to fruition. 

_I wish my love could stay around a little more_ , he thinks.

As if James hears Logan’s thought, he pulls him in tighter, resting his forehead against Logan’s and says, “We’ll make it work, I promise.”

Logan closes his eyes as he feels James’ lips on his forehead. He slips into sleep with this thought: _then why does this feel like the deep and dying breath of the love we’ve been working on_?

  



	2. IYA Fanmix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IYA Fanmix (aka John Mayer Songs Mentioned or Alluded To)

  
_Song Used_ \- Lyrics and/or Scenes

_In Your Atmosphere_ \- Title :)

 _My Stupid Mouth_ \- “Looks like the joke’s on me, so call me Captain Backfire”, “Just wanna be liked, just wanna be funny” and “Mama said think before speaking, no filter in my head. Oh what’s a boy to do? I guess he better find one.”

_Love Song for No One_ \- Song for the first flashback

_Victoria_ \- “…driving around, playing with the thought of leaving.”

_St. Patrick’s Day_ \- “In the dark, on the phone, you tell me the names of your brothers, your favorite colors; I’m learning you.”

_In Repair_ \- “Got so much to do to set my heart right.”

_Edge of Desire_ \- [K&L’s youtube video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jXFBoCUAPA&feature=BFa&list=LLzeu4zMTOzFyxtifq3MCnrA)

_Back to You_ \- “I tried to forget you; I tried to stay away, but it’s too late.”

_Tracing_ \- “Did you ever get the feeling that we’ve started in the middle? Have ever had the sense that we’ve been lying, just a little? I mean, come on, it’s not like we’ve known ourselves that long” and “…I found I never learned your number, I only stored it in my phone. You’d think by now, I’d know the shape of calling home.”

_Say_ \- (This was completely unintentional, by the way) “Say what you need to say” during the Logan and Kendall “talk”.

_All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye_ \- “Just when I had you off my head, your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed.”

_Only Heart_ \- “Your big imagination’s playing its tricks on you.”

_Assassin_ \- “I should have turned around and left before the sun came up again” and “But the sun came up again.”

_Dreaming With A Broken Heart_ \- Logan catches James writing with Kendall and Carlos.

_I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You)_ \- “If my past is any sign of your future, you should be warned before I let you inside.”

_The Hurt_ \- (This is a non-commercially released song) “I’m a good man in dark room, in a big town under a full moon. It’s a Friday and I’m almost home”, “I’m in a good place for a headspace, got a brand new pack in my suitcase. But it’s dinner, then it’s bed alone” and “Oh, how do you break a mended heart? I’m bored and want something to do.”

_Love Soon_ \- “I understand I wasn’t part of the plan. A dollar short, a minute early, but I am your man. So go on and face it.”

_Friends, Lovers or Nothing_ \- “You whisper ‘Come on over’ ‘cause you’re two drinks in…”

_Not Myself_ \- “Suppose I said you’re my saving grace.”

_Comfortable_ \- “Grey sweatpants, no make-up; so perfect.”

_Split Screen Sadness_ \- “I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me, so I can say this is the way I used to be” and “Two wrongs make it all alright tonight.” 

_Come Back to Bed_ \- “You can be mad in the morning. I’ll take back what I said. Just don’t leave me alone here; it’s cold, baby. Come back to bed.” 

_Distance_ \- (Also not commercially released) “I wish my love could stay around a little more.” 

_Slow Dancing in a Burning Room_ \- “…the deep and dying breath of the love we’ve been working on." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that BTR's "Love Me Love Me" and "Oh Yeah" were also used in the fic. But as a BTR fan, you knew that already, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Art by the beautiful shisoueimin.  
> I owe both she and skyline my utmost gratitude for assisting with this monster. If I wasn't whining at one, I was complaining to the other. Thank you, ladies!


End file.
